


Supreme

by fuck_you_kylo



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Anxious Hux, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emperor Hux, Eventual Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Hux thought he wanted to be emperor but he was wrong, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Suicidal Ideation, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, a little action followed by lots of talking, i can't write kylo without making him cry, like a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8012362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuck_you_kylo/pseuds/fuck_you_kylo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux’s dreams come true, Kylo loses everything, and somehow they are equally miserable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supreme

**Author's Note:**

> I drew heavily from what I know of the Kennedy assassination/Johnson inauguration in the first part of this fic, if you’re interested in that sort of thing.  
> Hux’s oath was adapted from an Imperial Oath used by Emperor-Primarch Aeaolen Kicka when he became Interim Emperor of the Galactic Empire. 
> 
> Thank you to [kyluxtrashcompactor](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kyluxtrashcompactor/pseuds/kyluxtrashcompactor) for beta reading, you helped me turn this into something I'm actually reasonably happy with!

_ You are strong. You are strong. You are strong. You are weak and useless and you will ruin everything we’ve worked for. No. You are strong. You are strong. Everyone is going to watch you fail. No. You are strong. You are strong. You have to get up again in two hours. Go to sleep. You are strong. I can’t sleep. I’m never going to sleep again. I don’t deserve to sleep. You are strong. You are strong. You don’t sleep enough. Everyone is depending on you now. You are strong. You are strong. You are strong. Everyone is depending on you and you have to be at your best, so sleep. You are strong. My hands hurt. I went too far. Stop doing that. You are strong. It doesn’t help. It helps a little. You are strong. Emperors do not dig their nails into their fucking hands. I’m not the emperor. You’re close enough. You are strong. You are strong. I need Ren. They’ll find him. He can’t be dead. He’s just hiding. He’ll come back. No, he’s dead. He’s dead and he couldn’t have helped you anyway.  _

 

**24 Hours Earlier**

Hux was wrapping up his shift, just overseeing the command transition to delta team before leaving the bridge, when a loud, yelping alarm started blaring. He glanced up at the radar screen and saw nothing suspicious, nor was there any further indication of trouble beyond the siren. A glitch? The electrical engineers below decks had been fiddling with the alarm software a few days ago, trying to update it. Idiocy. 

“Beta team, remain at your stations! Delta shift standby, line up against that wall,” Hux said. With twice as many people on the bridge as there would be at any other time, the potential for confusion and disorder doubled. If this turned out to be a real emergency, the extra bodies would only get in the way.

“Unamo, get me a channel with the monitoring squad on Deck C.” Unamo punched in the channel and a uniformed figure popped up on the holo and saluted Hux.

“Lieutenant, have you found a source for the alarm?” Hux asked, raising his voice over the noise.

“No sir, no enemy ships in sight, all physical plant functions showing normal and no communications from First Order ships abroad. Electrical says everything is functional on their end.”

“Just sort it out! Override it if you have to!” Hux shouted and shut off the channel. Not an emergency. Not an attack. The noise was starting to bore into his brain. He went back to his own monitor and checked again for incoming messages. Nothing. Then after a moment, one message popped up from Upsilon shuttle R504, marked urgent. Hux watched anxiously as it decrypted, leaving the message:

_ SL citadel under attack. Req asst. _

Hux shot up and shouted, “Snoke’s base is under siege, number and strength of the enemy unknown! Get four trooper battalions ready to go, full complement of shuttles and fighters, we are jumping there in ten minutes as a group! Delta shift, take over the bridge and Kaplan, you have the comm in my absence.” He quickly tapped out the response  _ On our way, number of enemy/nature of attack?  _ to Upsilon R504. Officers scattered to get the convoy prepped and from there Hux moved like a spirit among them, never faltering, overlooking no detail. From here on out it was muscle memory. His voice knew what to order, his hands knew where to direct, his internal clock ticked down the seconds for the quickest possible departure without cutting any corners. For once, the world moved at the speed of his thoughts. 

Just before heading down to the hangar deck, Hux stopped at his office. In the top drawer of his desk was an envelope, slightly yellowed but neither crumpled nor creased with age. After hesitating only a second, he opened it. Inside was an unmarked booklet that contained directions to Snoke’s citadel, as well as a sketchy topographical map of the base’s layout and contact codes. Hux had been there only once before, when he dropped Ren off after the destruction of Starkiller eight months earlier, and even then he hadn’t landed on the surface of the planet. The coordinates were in a corner of the galaxy Hux had very little familiarity with. It would take two lightspeed jumps to get there, in order to circumvent Republic territory and avoid collisions with planets. 

The troopers were loaded onto their shuttles in good time, some still shoving their helmets onto their heads as they boarded and lined up in triple file, as practiced hundreds of times. The TIE Fighters unplugged from their stations and took off one by one before queuing up at a safe distance, awaiting further instructions. Finally, Hux arrived back at the hangar, not quite running, with the map and directions in his inner pocket and boarded his shuttle. For extra security, he ordered both copilots out of the cockpit before punching in the first set of coordinates, a spot in the Outer Rim from which they could make a straight shot to the citadel, deep in Wild Space. 

Once they were safely underway, Hux sat at a small fold-down desk just behind the cockpit and starting drawing out broad-strokes strategies. Even at the speed of light, the first leg of the journey took two hours. The second leg could take three or four, which was actually great luck; at another time of year it could take two days, as it did the first time he went there. But this little bit of time was needed, they couldn’t very well jump into a combat situation of unknown severity without at least a sketch of a plan in place. His response had gone unanswered before they left, and no message could catch up with them in hyperspace. Once they reached their first checkpoint he could pause for communications to update, then use the rest of the trip to refine his plan and brief the rest of the crew. 

_ If it’s a lone attacker or small group, we can overwhelm them by sheer force. Unlikely scenario though, if it were that easy they wouldn’t have called for assistance. Ren is still training there, and the Knights are there too, aren’t they? If he can’t quell the threat himself it must be very sizeable. If it’s an organized Resistance attack they will most likely have the base circled with x-wings, with 2-3 battalions on the ground and additional air support further off. We can match that. After Hosnian they can’t have much more than 20 x-wings left, what are they thinking launching an attack like this?  _

Hux looked over the little map that came with the coordinates. The defenses on the citadel were...formidable. Creative. The whole base appeared to be in a dense forest at the base of a mountain, providing good cover from three sides. The gates appeared innocent enough, but a small notation on the map marked them “Force concealed.” Well, they would either need assistance from Ren or one of the other Knights, or they could just drop into the compound from above, unless there was some unmarked Force manipulation that would prevent it. 

The streaks of stars on the viewport finally stabilized. The first checkpoint. Hux went up to the cockpit and motioned the co-pilot out of his seat.

“Lieutenant, please attempt to open a channel with Upsilon R504 and sync up everything else to see what we missed in transit.”

“Yes sir,” the co-pilot said, and punched in R504’s comm number. A grainy, amorphous figure appeared on the panel, and Hux recognized it as one of the Knights, the ghoulish one with the skull-like mask. Gaulus Ren, Hux recalled vaguely. 

“General,” the Knight greeted him in a low, gravelly voice.

“Knight Gaulus. We are approximately three hours out from your location. What can you tell me about the attack?” Hux asked.

“It’s over, General. Luke Skywalker and his apprentice, a human female, landed and laid siege to the citadel starting approximately twelve standard hours ago. They jammed all our methods of communication. We were able to trigger your alarms and get one message out to you, but by the time you received it the decisive actions had already been taken.”

“I see. Were Skywalker and his apprentice killed, or did you take them alive? If it is possible, I would like to question them.”

“You misunderstand me, General. We have been defeated. The Supreme Leader is dead.” 

The world stopped, and Hux hurtled over its handlebars. The energy he had been stoking for battle skidded against the pavement of this impossibility. A horrible heat settled in his chest as his comm finally synced and the old messages started to pour in:  _ “It’s too late. Turn around” “SL dead, keep yourself safe at all costs” “Respond” “Return to Finalizer immediately, it is over.”  _ All he could hear were his own loud breaths and the gathering storm of racing thoughts that would soon drown him if he didn’t gain control of himself. 

“General, please listen,” Gaulus urged him. “You must assume control of the First Order immediately. The second highest ranking officer on board can administer the oath, and then you must return directly to your ship. You must protect yourself. There is no time to waste.”

“I-- The Supreme Leader-- I was not exactly a confidant of his. I do not have access to any of his plans or documentation for the Order.” Hux felt ridiculous in asking after minutia and humiliated in admitting his own powerlessness, but it was all his mind could grasp at. “I need to be briefed by someone from his inner circle. Kylo, is he there? Can he come back with us?”

“That is not possible at this time. We have suffered massive casualties and must tend to the wounded and bury our dead here,” Gaulus said. 

“Where is Kylo?” Hux asked, his mouth dry. 

“Three of the Knights have been killed. Myself and two others remain at the citadel performing recovery duties. Kylo Ren was last seen defending the Supreme Leader against Skywalker, but we have been unable to locate him since that time. We will continue to search, and will update you as we know more. May the Force be with you.” Gaulus cut the feed, and Hux turned to face the crew of his shuttle. Each one stood straight at attention, but their faces were pale and frightened. 

“Major Kalero.” Hux turned to the woman behind him, an Imperial veteran. 

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you still remember the Imperial Oath?”

“I will never forget it, sir.”

“Come here,” Hux said, as steadily as he could, and placed a hand on her back. “I need you to administer the oath to me.”

“Gladly, sir. Your weapon, please.” Hux unholstered his blaster and put it in her hand before placing his own hand over it, raising his other one. It felt like his fingers didn’t fit together in a row anymore; they kept shaking slightly out of place.

“Repeat after me,” Kalero said, and took a deep breath. “I will face the truth squarely and without flinching from duty.”

“I will face the truth squarely and without flinching from duty.”

“My enemies are many, my allies few.”

“My enemies are many, my allies few,” Hux repeated, and felt the truth of this more than ever. 

“I dedicate this weapon to their destruction. I regard its function as my only duty: I live only to bring cleansing fire to the enemies of the Emp-- the First Order,” Kalero recovered and Hux repeated after her.

“Take up your blaster and sword, your armour and fealty to the First Order, and go forth. Now you say ‘I will,’ General,” Kalero finished, her voice firm but gentle. 

“I will,” Hux said. 

No one dared applaud, or even react at all. As a youth, in all his idle dreams of galactic domination, it had begun with a formal coronation, followed by cheering crowds, bands playing, celebrations of final victories. Banners. Confetti. The hope of peace and order. But now, in his same uniform, same shuttle, in the company of ten terrified officers and four hundred Stormtroopers in the middle of empty space, he leaned over the control panel and pressed a button to address the rest of his fleet. 

“Attention response team. I have received word that the conflict on the Supreme Leader’s planet has ended in defeat. The Supreme Leader has been killed in battle, and Lord Kylo Ren is missing in action. I have assumed control of the First Order as of a moment ago. I understand that this is difficult news to hear. But I would remind all of you that you are a part of the galaxy’s last best hope, and as such, I have full confidence that each one of you will continue to perform your sworn duties to the same high standard I have come to expect. Shuttles R612 and L220 are to continue on to our planned destination and assist the surviving Knights of Ren in their search and recovery efforts. All other units are to return to the Finalizer immediately. Until I have made a formal announcement to the rest of the Order, I appreciate your discretion. That is all for now.” 

Hux ordered the rest of the pilots to return directly to the Finalizer at top speed and then sat back at his little fold-down desk. His battle notes from the trip out stared up at him. Hux tossed them in the wastebasket. He dug his nails into his palms to keep himself steady. The trip back passed in silence.

 

****

 

Before, Hux had often liked to bundle up and take his speech notes out to the assembly square on Starkiller Base and watch the stage get assembled. Starkiller had been the First Order’s only planetary base, and seeing its staff in action was inspiring. The groundbreaking ceremony, the unveiling of the gaping maw of the oscillator, and of course, the firing of the great weapon had been among the finest moments in Hux’s life, and each had been preceded by a triumphant speech, met with raised fists and roaring applause and parties that continued well into the night (of course, the post-Hosnian party had been cut short for Hux and other high-ranking officers, but a large number of the staff had reveled right up to their final moments). Tonight, a couple hours after arriving back on the Finalizer, he stepped into a holobooth, accompanied only by the projectionist droid and a cosmetics droid who wanted to add some color back into Hux’s cheeks, but he shooed it away. Hux pulled his notes out of his jacket pocket and looked over the five bullet points he had managed to put together in preparation for this address. Needless to say, it was the least prepared he had ever been. The projectionist droid flashed a red light, then a yellow, then a green, and Hux began.

“Eight months ago, the First Order succeeded in crippling the treacherous New Republican government through the annihilation of the Hosnian System, a show of strength unlike any the galaxy has ever seen. Though the celebration of our triumph was short-lived, its effects were not diminished by what happened next. The New Republic has never recovered. They and the Resistance have been reduced to roving bands of homeless savages. Now that they are cornered, our enemies have become more dangerous than ever,” Hux exhaled slowly and took a second to locate the right words. “Today, they launched an attack on the Supreme Leader’s citadel, and they succeeded in killing our leader, as well as three of the Knights of Ren and seventy of Snoke’s on-planet staff. I have been sworn in as his successor.” There. The worst of it was past. Everything has been torn down, now time to build it back up.

“But by the very nature of the Resistance, their naivete and their immaturity will be their downfall.  

Following the Battle of Starkiller, I say to you honestly that our continued existence was not guaranteed.” Hux struggled a moment more before venturing, “My own existence was not guaranteed. Yet here we are. Even though we have been brought low, our ideals cannot and will not be defeated. The stage is set for us. In the absence of a singular government, the galaxy lies in disarray. Eight months ago, we set it ablaze in a cleansing fire, and now our time is ripe. Small though we are, galactic citizens of every stripe will now flock to us for the structure and guidance they crave. It is a great honor to lead you all in this righteous endeavour, and today, I give you my word: I will not rest until we have rebuilt the galaxy and rebuilt ourselves!” The projectionist droid clicked his light back to red and rolled out of the room. Hux stood by himself for a moment, then tucked his notes back into his pocket and followed the droid out. 

It’s another sixteen hours before Hux finally curls into bed, after brushing his teeth and washing the dried blood from the palms of his hands, where each little nail-shaped cut is still open and painful. Still no word from Gaulus or the other Knights about Kylo’s whereabouts. No word from anyone.  _ Who exactly do you hope to hear from? There’s no one. Snoke is dead. Kylo is probably dead. No, he’s certainly dead, and if he were alive he would only make your job more difficult. Stop thinking about ghosts.  _ A fleeting sensory memory of warmth and softness flickered by, but Hux pushed it away. It had been nothing. Less than nothing, a single ill-advised moment. Before Starkiller, before Ren’s occasional charm and dry wit were extinguished for good. Against his will, that one moment reached its tendrils out to wrap around his throat…

 

****

 

Hux, waiting with Ren in the empty projection hall for the Supreme Leader’s hologram to appear. Hux, explaining as patiently as he could that the clone armies of the past, while economical to train, were actually less efficient in the long run. Their weak self-preservation instinct, he is explaining, may have made them fearless, but it also made them careless, and the turnover was impossible to sustain, do you understand that? Because he has never seen Ren without that ridiculous mask before, and he’s painfully beautiful, and if he just keeps talking, keeps talking about the inferiority of the clone troopers, every minute detail, he can resist the urge to stare. Ren, smirking a little, saying “Gods, don’t you ever shut up?” Hux opening his mouth to protest, but then Ren clamped one arm around his waist and fisted a gloved hand in Hux’s hair; there are lips on his lips and a tongue in his mouth, and touching Ren is like touching power itself, it’s thrumming and flowing through him, but Hux does not feel threatened. He feels protected, all the tension smoothed from his thoughts, the knots loosening in his muscles, and when Ren starts to pull away, Hux tries to follow him. But Ren does step back, and seeing Hux speechless, mouth slightly open, says “Much better,” and looks up as the Supreme Leader’s holo flickers to life. 

Ren is deployed to Jakku that night. When he returns with a prisoner, Hux watches the interrogation through a two way mirror and sees that power in action the way he’s used to seeing it. This is not the first time he’s seen a hardened Resistance fighter scream as his secrets are dragged out, one by one, by Ren’s hand. But he never knew there was an inverse power, that the fire that burned holes into that pilot’s mind could be tempered into an electrifying warmth that seemed to stitch his own tired mind back together. He wants more. 

When Ren walks out of the interrogation room with the information they needed, Hux is there waiting for him. 

“Well then, if the droid is on Jakku, we’ll soon have it,” Hux says, with a hint of a smile. 

“I leave that to you,” Ren says curtly, and brushes past Hux. 

_ It was a joke. It was all a joke to him, of course it was. He wanted to humiliate you, and you not only didn’t recognize it, you were begging for more! Ready to debase yourself at the slightest provocation. Are you that desperate? What an embarrassment you are.  _

The next several days pass in a blur. Hux and two stormtroopers are carrying Ren’s nearly lifeless weight through the forest to a shuttle, and Hux can barely feel the same thrumming when he touches him.

Ren remains in a medically induced light coma for the duration of the trip. On the second day he shifts restlessly and murmurs “help” once. Hux looks back from the cockpit and feels the terrible urge to be closer to him, maybe even to lie down next to him. He gets up from his seat and stands over Ren for a minute, watching his brow knit and his fingers twitch, then increases the drip of the sedative and walks back to his own seat.

 

****

 

Hux slept little and rose again for alpha shift. For the sake of the crew, he tried to keep operations as normal and steady as possible. Anything beyond the prompt and competent fulfillment of routine duties was Hux’s burden to bear. With Snoke’s base destroyed and Starkiller long gone, the First Order was left without any planetary territory. Hux spent much of the day on the bridge, studying maps and looking for possible ins with undeveloped, resource rich planets. Fuel was hardest to come by. As long as the Finalizer and the other few ships could be kept fueled, they could continue importing food and other necessities from their network of opportunistic smugglers and politically neutral merchants. This, at least, was something Hux was used to handling on his own. After alpha and most of beta shifts had passed, Hux had compiled a decent list of five or six promising leads to look into. 

And then. That same yelping alarm. Hux startled violently and shot from his seat. 

“Report!” he shouted. It felt like the air was draining out the the room, and Hux suddenly had trouble drawing breath.  _ Is there a hole in the hull? Or is it the Resistance? Dear force it’s happening, I can’t believe it’s happening again.  _

“Unknown vessel appeared on the radar, sir,” Lieutenant Mitaka said. 

“Is there an oxygen leak in here? Any structural damage?” Hux asked, trying to tamp down the shrillness that edged into his voice. 

“N-no, sir?” Mitaka said, confused. “No sign of that.” 

“Hail the vessel. Are we sure it’s not one of ours?” Hux said, starting to pant a little.  _ Why can’t I breathe? Can everyone else breathe?  _ He gritted his teeth and concentrated on slow, shallow breaths, but the more he focused on it, the tighter his chest felt. 

“No FO markings, sir. Also no Resistance markings, but that may not mean much,” Unamo chimed in. Hux could barely hear her. His heart was beating so fast and so hard he was sure it was going to burst. 

_ I’m dying. I have to be dying. This is what it feels like. Keep calm. Perform your duties. Don’t break down.  _

“No response to our hail, sir.”

“Hail it again. If it doesn’t respond in kind, shoot it down,” Hux said, and found he needed to grip the side of the console to stay upright against a wave of dizziness that crashed against him. 

“Yes sir,” Unamo said, and hailed the ship a final time. A crackling sound came through on the holo, and then a code: R508, from the complement of Upsilon shuttles based on Snoke’s planet, and a message that, once decrypted, read: “Do not fire. Commandeered Resistance ship. Ren.” 

Hux nodded and then went to the refresher, barely not running, and vomited. 

 

****

 

Hux made it a point not to seek Ren out too soon, just sent him an invitation to a debriefing session later that evening. Ten minutes before the appointed time, Ren showed up at Hux’s quarters. Hux gestured him to a seat on the sofa, and took his own seat at his desk chair, swiveled around to face his guest. For once, they were both lost for words. Ren looked shell shocked and terribly tired, with deep rivets in his unwashed hair from too many fingers running through it. 

“So you’re the Supreme Leader now,” Ren said, not looking up from the floor.

“No. Supreme Leader was always Snoke, and the other one is simply incorrect at this point.”

“But you will be?”

“Once we’ve brought the Resistance to heel, I will be Emperor, yes.” 

Another long silence, the weight of that word settling on Hux’s shoulders. Ren leaned back and exhaled a long breath. 

“What are you now, then?”

“I don’t know, Ren! Why don’t you tell me what you are?” Hux said, a little sharper than he intended. Instead of shooting back, Ren appeared to really consider the question.

“I’m...an apprentice without a master. This is as far as my training goes. Do you even know what that means?” Ren’s voice got louder as he continued, “I’m never going to find relief. I will be stuck in limbo for the rest of my life, pulled between Light and Dark--” his voice broke and he pressed a hand over his mouth. Hux stared at the floor as Ren struggled to regain his composure. 

“He promised he would end the torture. I left my home, my family, everything, because he said he would fix me. He changed my name; he made me who I am. I killed my father because he said it would resolve the duality. I was so close, he said it was almost over.”

Hux tried not to notice the tears in Ren’s eyes, so close to falling, and changed the subject.

“What happened on the base?”

“Um,” Ren said, and swiped a hand over his eyes, “It was Luke Skywalker and Rey, plus eleven Resistance ships. They were able to conceal their arrival until it was too late to prepare a defense. Rey has gotten stronger, even more than she already was. They landed around second dawn and got through the outer walls. The Knights and I were outside with Snoke’s lay guards and once they started to get close I ran inside to the Supreme Leader to protect him. He was extraordinarily strong in the Force, but his body was frail. He couldn’t stand. I don’t know if you knew that, but.”

“There are many things I didn’t know,” Hux said. 

“I ran inside-- I thought the Knights and the guards could hold them off a little longer, but I was wrong. Sibley and Vox Ren were killed in action, and Furon Ren ended up dying of his injuries. Sibley and Vox were just teenagers. They trusted me, and I left them.” Ren’s voice got shaky again. “Skywalker followed me, he engaged me and…I’ve only ever been that angry and afraid once before. I couldn’t divide my attention; I would have been killed. And while he kept me occupied, Rey got in and took on the Supreme Leader. He held her off for a little while, but she’s so strong... and he couldn’t get away. It was easy for her. It was easy,” Ren said, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“After, when they had to get away, they Force Stunned me. I should be able to overcome that, even both of them working together, but whenever I tried to break through it was like none of my powers had anything to grab onto. It was humiliating. And I realized, it was Snoke who had given me those mechanisms. He built part of himself into me; I think that’s why he was weakened. It was the first time I’d been alone in my head since I was a child, and now it’s like the ruin of a city. It just...echoes,” Ren said, lifting a hand into the air and dropping it back into his lap.

“So can you still use the Force?” Hux asked.

Ren stared at a point on the wall behind Hux and nodded.“The raw material is still there, but I have to retrace my steps for some things because... the paths I made don’t exist anymore.”

“I see,” Hux said, though he didn’t see at all. 

“So I’m frozen in place,” Ren continued, his voice gradually getting louder and less steady, “and I want to kill them. Both of them. I’ve never wanted anything so badly. And Skywalker came up to me, and he said, ‘We’re giving ourselves a head start, but you can always follow us home,’ and they should have killed me, it would have been so much better if they had killed me.” Ren hung his head and sobbed, and ran another helpless hand through his hair. 

Hux weighed his options, once again faced with the heart-twisting choice he made on the shuttle when Ren needed him. Be unbreakable, upright. Or get closer to this collapsed creature, this heap of remembered warmth, and risk contracting that softness. He had almost decided against moving nearer when he crept from his desk chair to the sofa, quietly, and settled by Ren’s side, not touching but close enough to feel the pull. Ren was too absorbed in his own grief to notice until Hux carefully reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder. And instantly Ren’s arms were wrapped around him, Ren’s face pressed into his neck, Ren’s body melting against him, and Hux was filled with an electric warmth even more intense than he remembered. His eyes flickered closed, and he let his arms rest on Ren’s shaking shoulders and his hands gently pat his hair, which smelled like smoke up close. 

“I’m sorry, Hux. I tried to get here sooner. I’m so sorry,” Ren said between sobs. 

“Shh. It’s okay. You’re here now,” Hux said. And for the first time in ages, it did seem okay. Ren was not only alive, he was right here. Hux leaned back against the arm of the couch, and Ren allowed himself to be pulled down too, so that he lay in the crook of Hux’s arm. Ren’s head was heavy on his shoulder, but Hux found he liked the weight, soft and grounding. Stroking Ren’s back and feeling the shaking gradually quiet under his touch, he felt competent for the first time since everything had started. 

“What happened next, Ren? How did you get back?” he murmured in his ear. Ren gave a miserable hum.

“As soon as Skywalker was gone I ran to find the Knights. Furon was gravely wounded but still alive, when I arrived they were still trying to control the bleeding. That’s when I found out about Sibley and Vox. They were laid out next to each other. I was…” Ren’s voice broke and fresh tears welled in his eyes, “I mean, we all were.” 

“I hate to interrupt, but Gaulus told me you were missing in action,” Hux said. 

“He said that?” Ren said, raising his head to look at Hux. 

“He didn’t know where you were, when I spoke to him.” Ren looked shocked and fell silent a moment, as if ashamed of himself, and Hux regretted saying anything. 

“Gaulus wasn’t there when I first arrived, I think he had gone looking for medical supplies,” Ren began again, haltingly. “When he came back and saw me there, he drew his saber and told me to leave. He told me that my misplaced allegiances were responsible for the deaths of our young comrades, and if I had any honor I would leave now and never return. That’s what he said. So I looked to the others, and they had their hands on their belts too, and I was so exhausted, Hux, I--” Ren glanced up at Hux, then back down quickly when Hux’s eyes met his, “I couldn’t take any more. I didn’t want to fight them. So I left. I didn’t know what to do. I was completely alone without a ship. So I just… wandered. All night. I didn’t want to stop anywhere because I didn’t know if they were going to come after me or not. The next morning I found a damaged Resistance shuttle that was left behind, and I got it running and came here.”

Hux didn’t say anything. He felt a flash of perverse luck, that he had never known much of a family. That a practical joke from a colleague was the worst heartbreak he had ever had to endure. 

“I didn’t mean to tell you all of that,” Ren murmured. 

“You still have a place here, you know,” Hux said quietly, his fingers in Ren’s hair. “I’m going to need an advisor. And an enforcer.”

“I can’t think about this right now,” Ren said, his voice muffled by Hux’s jacket. 

“Okay. That’s okay,” Hux said. He stroked Ren’s back until the last of the tears subsided and a while longer after that, until Ren’s breathing got slower and deeper. He had to pull his arm out from under Ren when it started to prickle, and adjusted himself so he was resting his head on Ren’s chest instead, with one arm draped across him. It wouldn’t matter. Hux was bound to wake up first and could reposition himself into a less telling spot. Tomorrow he would have to continue the search for a new planetary base, reports would have to be written, more speeches would have to be made, he would very likely have to chart out an entirely new five-year plan for the First Order, for all that he knew about the old one. There could be more loud alarms, more dizziness, less oxygen, more hammering heartbeats, more bone-deep urges to vomit or weep or run. 

But for now, it was comforting to feel the rise and fall of Ren’s chest, hear the heartbeats which seemed to sound out  _ He’s real. He’s here. He’s real. He’s here.  _

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I adore comments, if you feel inclined, and feel free to come say hello on [tumblr!](http://fuck-you-kylo.tumblr.com/)


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